Wednesday, July 11, 2007 - 7:48 PM
this is the third post i am starting today.
i say starting because i didn't actually write anything worth posting the first two times. there's no certainty that this time will be any different, but no matter. i shall go on typing anyway.
sigh.
there seems to be a general feeling of deflatedness in the air. it's like, there's less life in the air, and everyone is just so...un-alive. or dead. whichever you prefer.
i don't know if it's the impending doom of the prelims (in 7.5 weeks) or the As (ending in exactly 4 months and 2 days for me), but everyone is just like so much more toned down and quieter. everyone's laughing less, frowning more, smiling less and emo-ing more. the feeling, simply put, sucks.
even the council room is like slowly dying out. nobody seems to spend half their lives there anymore, and even the 27ths aren't around much, for whatever strange reasons. and every morning, i don't seem to know what to do with myself because there's nobody in the council room, and everyone outside is studying or something and nobody seems to be up to just slacking.
urgh.
i need something to kickstart my studying. currently i'm not doing much (still in the sort-of-relieved state of having completed IS), and just basically slacking around. which isn't a good thing, definitely. because, like i said the other day, nobody cares about your excuses for not doing well in the As. at the end of the day, it's the grades that matter, however much we pretend the world will care that we were doing other more meaningful things with our lives than mugging our asses off.
sigh.
this post is not going anywhere, and not talking about anything in particular, but i dunno, i don't want to do my chem tutorial, i am sort of dreading getting back my math paper tomorrow, and there doesn't seem to be anything else to do. i shall just go on and on and on until i decide to stop. there's a plan.
LIFE is still bothering me, to a certain extent. i still have no idea what to do. and right now, after our class visit to pulau tekong, i'm not even sure if i want to go overseas and study (if possible - that means i must get a scholarship, because my parents cannot pay for me to go overseas and study). i mean, going overseas sounds great, and exciting and full of adventure and new experiences and everything, but when i think about what i'll be leaving behind - it's quite scary, and not to mention sad. if i go overseas, i won't get to see much of my family. nor will i get to see my friends. not to mention not being able to come back to school at random intervals and just hang out with people i like. i'd probably only see all these people i talk to (almost) everyday like once or twice a year, for reunions, and some people i'll never see again, and that's just very sad. really.
i wish i knew what i wanted to do. what i want out of LIFE. because this feeling really sucks.
okay this post is turning into a what-sucks post. but nevermind.
my friend's msn nick is now "when we get the big jobs and we make the big money, when we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?". i think that is a line from graduation, by vitamin c. it was so popular back in like primary school. but. i guess it still makes sense. and i think the answer will be, no, sad as that may be.
i realize a lot of what i say is utter nonsense. it makes no sense. we all say stupid things, and redundant things and most days i think a lot of us get by without having said a single sensible thing, and just saying mundane things that keep the conversation going, and keep the awkward silences from springing up, and things just generally are of no consequence to anyone. i have found that this annoys me greatly, and i get annoyed with myself for saying such inconsequential things. rawr.
LIFE should have more meaning to it than this.
okay whatever. i don't think anyone really read that, but nevermind. it's all inconsequential drivel anyway.
-crunch.
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