LIFE looks bleak.

this is my bleak and sad and depressing post on LIFE.

no, this is not a i-have-no-LIFE-because-i-do-nothing-but-study-everyday post, but a i-have-no-clue-what-to-do-for-the-rest-of-my-LIFE post. yes. because i have no idea what i should be doing for the rest of my LIFE.

[if you're wondering what's up with the caps-ing of the word LIFE, it is for me to stress the importance of LIFE (to myself) so i don't do stupid things like not think about what i want to do for the rest of my LIFE. yes.]

okay yeah this seems quite funny, but seriously. LIFE is very important. and like. we're 18 (or 17 or somewhere there). and we need to decide what to do for the rest of our LIVES. that's like until we're 80 or something. many many many years. >.< and today mr. tan was talking about IS and university applications and writing essays for applications. and suddenly, it struck me how mediocre i am.

i mean, i don't do very well (UNDERSTATEMENT!) in school, i do not do anything exceptional outside of academics, i don't have any special talent or anything. i am so very...average. mean, mode, median = crunch. do you know how utterly depressing that is. i heard someone say once - do everything exceptionally, either exceptionally well or exceptionally badly. but all i am is...MEDIOCRE. gosh.

see, even that paragraph was so terrifically MEDIOCRE.

and which university would want a mediocre student. i am feeling more depressed and upset with every passing moment. i have no goals and aims and values and morals and nothing i am so utterly fluid i am shaped by the people around me rather than what i believe in i have no backbone i am jelly i am never going to make it to university and i don't have the enterprise or whatever it takes to make it big on my own as an entrepreneur or whatever and i will end up living an utterly NORMAL LIFE, having made no difference to anybody's LIFE at all and i will die sad and alone without a feeling of satisfaction of having accomplished something to be proud of and my headstone will say 'here lies someone mediocre - so mediocre we couldn't even remember her name'. and that will just be the end of my LIFE.

gosh. to live a LIFE like that - i might as well not have been born.

bleargh. >.<

i want to be exceptional. who doesn't.