Thursday, September 07, 2006 - 10:06 PM
i had a strange sort of realization today.
it happened just about 2 minutes ago, when i started a converstation with a friend of mine.
my greeting was "loud", and cheery. and it occured to me that i wouldn't ever say hello to her in such a way, not in real life anyway. and it occured to me (note the limited vocabulary - perhaps gp would have been a better choice after all) that i was quite fake, in the things i said, and the people i said it to.
at that moment when i had this very strange realization, i felt detatched, like i didn't really know who the hell i was, or what in heaven's name i was talking about. it was an odd, not entirely unpleasant feeling. i felt like i was suddenly in the body of a stranger. perhaps stranger would be too harsh a word, because obviously i was still aware of the more important details about myself. perhaps aquaintance would be a better word, like a person you've met a few times before, but haven't actually shared enough experiences with to be called a friend.
but then the moment passed, and i was back to being myself again, and everything i said and did felt natural, and not fake.
the question now is: am i naturally a fake, and was that moment of realization meant to tell me to stop being fake?
comments on the tagboard please.
that aside, good luck with the mugging for promos. they're be gone in a flash. (:
and so will the rest of our lives.
[goodness, i published the post, read it again on my blog, and even this sounds fake. what is the world coming to. perhaps it is not the world, but me.]
a slightly weirded out
crunch.
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