Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 10:39 PM
usually, when you put in a whole lot of effort to do something. and spend hours doing that one particular thing, and you do like a whole load of work. and at the end of it, you feel satisfied and happy and proud of what you've accomplished.
and when you just spend hours and hours and hours doing nothing, you just feel, lousy at the end of it. for not having accomplished anything.
that's usually how it works. but then,
sometimes, you fel like you're doing A LOT. like tonnes and tonnes of work, and you just keep doing, and doing and doing. but at the end of it, you feel like you haven't accomplished anything anyway.
and then sometimes you just sit, and you do nothing for hours and hours and hours on end, and at the end of it, you feel like you've achieved something momentous.
the feeling of satisfaction. at having achieved something to be proud of. sometimes, that feeling just isn't there, no matter how much work you do, or how much effort you put in. because your heart wasn't in it in the first place.
okay, all of that probably sounds like random rubbish, but it's what some people i've talked to have been feeling. it really is quite true. that the feeling of satisfaction just isn't there. then you feel like whatever you're doing has no point.
it's like we've got our priorities all screwed up. we put so much of effort into something that nobody, not even ourselves, care about, and completely neglect that stuff that means the most to us. spending time with our families, and friend, and academics (no matter how painful that may be), and doing stuff for ourselves. like, we've given all of that up to do nonsensical rubbishy things that nobody appreciates, or even cares about. even if we are doing these things with others' best interests at heart, they probably would be just as happy if we left them alone, so what the hell are we doing this for anyway.
okay, i've run out of steam. and i'm rather sleepy. so i will sleep, and talk about this again one day. and thanks for the nice conversations i've been having with a few people. i wish i could have such nice conversations with more people. but when you stop talking to someone for a while, eventually you just don't know what to say anymore. even if you used to be able to finish each other's sentences. absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it just makes the cracks in everything more obvious. and trust me, there are cracks in everything. (haha, i sound so jaded and emo and angsty and nonsense.)
kk kk, i will go sleep now. and wake up at 3 to do work (oh, i am so sure that's gonna work.)
okay goodnight my darling goodfriends. (:
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