Thursday, July 06, 2006 - 8:26 PM
it's easy to pretend like you don't care. like it really doesn't matter all that much. you laugh, and you make a joke out of it. giggle, like it really is alright. but it's not. or maybe the laughter was genuine. because it hadn't sunk in yet.
either way, when you're all alone, far away from public scrutiny (okay, not all that far away), it starts to nag at you. how it could have been differnt, it wasn't that bad, you just botched it up majorly and suck totally.
and that tiny icky feeling starts at the pit of your stomach and works its way up, filling your stomach, growing bigger, filling up the spaces in your oesophagus, all the way up to your throat, till you feel like you're choking. choking on that icky feeling that simply refuses to go away. you cough, have a sip of water, are you feeling better? you can't speak. swallow, swallow, deep breath, deep breath, you open your mouth and everything just comes out: Fuck.
sharp and simple. there's nothing to it really.
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